Thoughts of Some Chick
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Why are you so cruel? I love and care for you and what do you do but make me feel bad and give me a headache. I'm not going to give up on you though because we have something special.
I'd really like a glass of water and a taco. It's raining and I don't want to go outside, should I get delivery even though I live a block away from the taco place? I'd still have to put on pants so whats the point?!
This would be a good time to have a boyfriend, I could get him to get tacos (crispy tacos; one fish, one bean please) for me. Oh sexy boyfriend...
So, I was home the other day in the late afternoon and I turned on the TV, I think to PBS and they have on this show that teaches grammar in the kinda dorky way grown-ups teach kids lessons but I was riveted. Seriously, my grammar, actually my punctuation is terrible. I learned so much in only one afternoon. I can't wait until the next episode. I hope it's a show about colons; because I have no idea when to use them.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Who am I talking to? Is anyone actually reading this?
Whatevs. I like finding new and innovative ways to procrastinate. My new favorite way to waste time is by posting reviews like I am Pete Wells of the New York Times for Yelp!
Click on my profile and become absorbed in my world class retrospective on dining and other fine and not so much fine establishment around the globe (ok, so far that only includes views on a few places in NYC, Brooklyn, New Orleans and Gainesville, Florida). But check me out anyways.
That's it for today...gotta start slow. Gotta ease into it, make you want it...Also it's almost 4pm, I should get something done today. Don't forget to click, ummm....hello?
Sunday, April 01, 2007
I am working so much these days I probably won't have the time to watch the game though. Life has been super hectic because besides working like 12 days a week, I've also had the arduous task of finding an apt. I have to move on Monday. I rather pass a giant basketball out of my ass than go through that again. I cannot go into the details right now besides it's probably only interesting to me. All I need to say is people suck sometimes. And I need sleep.
p.s. doesn't this guy have great hair!
Friday, March 16, 2007
I love it but I wish it could be like when I was a kid in Florida and my summer camp would have Christmas in July and bring in fake snow. It would be like 90 degrees and we'd be in our bathing suits just coming from swimming and we'd frolic around and make snow angels and pretend to ski.
I've left my cave and ventured out into this snowstorm (wow, the way people react to the 2 inches that have accumulated... aren't northerners accustomed to this stuff). My Internet is playing hard to get so I came out to Bagel Zone! Sounds like a theme park. Take a ride on the giant bagel at Bagel Zone!
Anyhoo, I came here to look at backstage.com online and submit my stuff, look at apt. postings b/c I will be homeless in 2 weeks unless I sort out my living situation, check email/ myspace etc and here are my observations in list form.
1. Mothers are annoying
People often complain about children being annoying. What is really truly annoying is parents screaming for Isabelle and Jacob and Emily to stop this, sit here... and the 20 questions they play w/ the kids... do you want juice? Juice? Juice? Milk? Vitamin Water? Gator-Aid? Hot Chocolate? Milk Chocolate? Tea with honey? Just plain water? No, you can't have soda Isabelle! Sit still Jacob. What are you doing Jacob! Give me that Jacob. Just give the child a drink already and shut the fuck up.
2. Big gaps in teeth are disturbing
This woman sitting opposite me is not homeless. She is actually attractive, Asian 20-30 something, trendy east village type,YET she has a huuugggeeeeee gap, NO, not a gap...she looks like someone knocked her in the mouth. Maybe she's a boxer. Like Tanya Harding...have you seen her lately---
3. What is up w/ slurping drinks?
I almost gave this 20-30 something year old girl a lesson on swallowing her drink instead of slurping it like a 5 year old. What part of slurping a drink not completely annoying?
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Bert and I watched The Departed in the evening. Bert is convinced Martin Scorsese will win the Oscar on Sunday because it is his time after all. He liked the movie and all and we both agree the acting is superb but he pointed out a few inconsistencies in the film. Like why did Leo give an envelope to the psychiatrist to hold on to if it was going to be inconsequential?
Anyways, I am having trouble getting motivated to do anything. Probably the only reason I left the house today is because I have a meeting at work and I will be fired unless I attend.
I'm at a coffee shop, Cake Shop on Ludlow, w/ my laptop...Lappy. No, kidding my computer's name isn't Lappy. That would be stupid. Her name is Lola.
I'm being good, I am not having any cake even though the cupcakes look like to die for. But it smells like curry in here. Ehhhhh, not so appetizing.
I better run to my meeting. Also I just made a fart noise with my mouth and I am getting looks.
Friday, February 16, 2007
I'm going to keep the shit-talking to a minimum. I guess that means I should sign-off for tonight.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Do you really need corporations to tell you when to take your significant other out for a meal, when to buy your honey some flowers, when to give you sweetie-pie some candy, when to give your true love diamonds and when to fuck your lover?**
This isn't coming from a bitter cat lady place. Although I am single and I do have a cat. But you can ask my ex- boyfriends, I've always thought valentines day is contrived.
*Unless you are a kid and you make those cool mailboxes and give each other teen-age mutant ninja turtle and powderpuff girl cards and your mom and dad gives you chocolate and the boy you like in school gives you a flower.
** I am not a blogger fucker, but if I was,Dan from redacted blog would be my love object. Unfortunaely, if you read his blog you'll see someone named "Brooke" beat me to him. Here's his blog- http://redactedblog.blogspot.com/ and I am mentioning it because on his blog today he had a link to this site- http://www.acme.com/heartmaker/
It's tons o' fun!
This wasn't going to be what I wrote about but I am brain dead from 7 hours of coat-checking rich people's coats. Man that is a crappy job but I am po (you know poor but so poor I can't afford the o r, yup, brain dead) so I had to take it. Hell is 7 hours of listening to Micheal Bolton. Too many furs and smelly rubber boots. Speaking of rubber boots I wore boots that were not weather proof and I thought I got frostbite earlier.
I know I have been wishing for snow. I fell 3 times today. Not as much fun as I remembered. No snow angels, no snowmen, no snow fights. Nope. I got snow and wind beating against my face, almost broke my leg a few times, just about slipped in front of a car and my toes almost fell off. Not so fun. But tomorrow, I am wearing wool socks, my fake Uggs, I don't care how uggly they are, thermal undies and my hat with flaps.
I may look like a freak but damn it I will be warm (er).
I am hardly working (for money, that is) this week because I am performing in "The Vagina Monologues" beginning tomorrow night. Otherwise known as the VJ-J show. There are alot of slang words for vagina and in the first part of the show 3 of the VJ-J girls go down a list of them... some I have never heard.
There is VJ-J, Mookie, Pookie, Pouchie, Couchie Snortcher, Glady's Seagelman, Twat, Mushmellow, Pussycat, Peepe, Poopelu, Niche, Mimi, Labbe, Split Knish, and Cooter (my personal fav). Feel free to add to the list. Seriously though, have you ever heard of some of these... split knish for example, funny and kinda gross, but never heard of it. Maybe I'll ask them at Katz's on Houston St.
I want to go to Bikram yoga at the crack of dawn so I better hit the sack. Plus, Bert, the cat is waiting for me to spoon.
Friday, February 09, 2007
And two PEOPLE who are the same sex cannot be married?
I haven't posted in awhile and actually I am procrastinating. I planned to spend this time working on my monologue for "The Vagina Monologues".
I do plan on posting more often.
Yesterday Anna Nicole Smith died from what looks like an overdose. Everyone and their grandmother have something to say about this so I'll keep my thoughts brief.
I was really struck by her mother's comments about how she warned Anna Nicole to be careful who she hung out with and that she did too many drugs.
This is the mother of a woman who, when barely a woman, was a topless dancer and married/ pregnant at a very young age, a mother of a woman who in her early 20's married a man in his 90's, a man she made "happy" when they met at a gentleman's club. A woman who changed her name to become someone else. I don't know what her relationship was with her mother but I have a feeling her mother is a big part of all the factors that occured and shaped Anna Nicole's life and her untimely death.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Well they don't take any old thing. As a matter of fact I didn't sell one piece of clothing. The hipsters that worked in these places were like ewwwww!
All I wanted to do was to unload some of my crap and make room for some new crap, plus I thought I'd take the money off the clothes I sold and buy some new ones so no new money was being spent. Unfortunately that didn't happen and I spent money buying a couple tops for work (in the uber trendy meat packing district).
After shopping I had lunch with Giscard who was taking a sickie. He coughed a couple of times to ensure me he was in fact sick and not just playing hooky. Then I raced home to get ready for my date w/ finance guy.
We met up at this book exchange in a bar I planned on earlier to go to and who was the bartender/server but my old crazy roommate who still owes the ex boyfriend money for the con ed. I should have stiffed her considering how many times I had to listen to exboy complain, but finance guy (who was casually dressed) paid. Next time. After 2 glasses of wine and exchanging books (I brought Lucky by Alice Sebold and Reading Lolita in Tehran and picked up a book about a young girl who has her jaw removed b/c of cancer- Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy and also I got Run With the Hunted by one of my fav.'s Charles Bukowski and FG got a book about coyotes or something to do w/ history. I'm unsure) we left for dinner in the uber trendy area I just mentioned but not so bad on a Monday, unless you are going to Pastis, which we did and were informed by the hostess that it would be an hour wait. Yes, 1 hour on a Monday. The place was crazy, you would think that Pastis was giving the shit away. Anyways, I suggested we go to the lesser known and unpretentious wine bar across the street, Paradou for wine and cheese whilst we wait. Once we got back to Pastis for dinner I ordered the lamb and the only reason I mention this is I didn't eat meat for 3+ years until recently when Nick's cousin Gina went all out and made a New Orleans feast and I caved like a crack fiend over her gumbo and the andouille sausage and have been eating meat like crazy since; burgers, steak, chicken wings, fried chicken, bacon... tons of bacon, but no lamb until last night. I have to say I was more impressed with the beans and carrots on my plate. The lamb was OK, but when you wait an hour on a Monday it should be sheer brilliance. Over-rated.
After dinner we had another drink somewhere else, a Key Lime Martini, which was yummy.
And today I feel like this-
In total I drank:
2 glasses of red at book exchange
1 1/2 glass of red at Paradou
1 glass of Lillet and 1 glass of red at Pastis
1 Key Lime martini wherever
Total= 6 1/2 drinks which may not sound like alot if you're name is Lindsey Lohan but that was the perfect concoction to turn me into a bit of a floozy.
Just a wee floozy, I don't know how much I like FG. He's a republican for goodness! I can't talk about it.
Friday, December 08, 2006
I was at work last night, minding my own business, giving the barback grief (in their minds), blabbing to the waiters, making drinks, opening beer bottles, suggesting wine (btw, I am soooooo bullshitting when you ask me which wine is minerally, which wine is like butter- shut up and drink)
the norm... when out of nowhere this woman in her mid-late 30's (so she should know better) asks me if I am pregnant!!!
I was shocked! Fucking shocked!!! I answered her, no I am just fat (you dirty dinosaur slut bag). And she realizes that she is a whore and is back-peddling and is like, oh no I mean because you are drinking water. You are drinking water, right? What??? What has that got to do with the price of milk?
Now let me just say I am very VERY sensitive about my weight but I know I am not fat, I don't look the slightest bit preggers, God knows it would be immaculate conception, but I obsess about being skinny (except I eat chocolate so skinny might be a dream). I am curvy, I have a butt, boobs, I am not a waif.
Whatever. I've put a curse on her to come down with a raging case of gonorrhea.
In yahoo news today:
Speak up, sir...You need the extra small condoms?
Condoms designed to meet international size specifications are too big for many Indian men as their penises fall short of what manufacturers had anticipated, an Indian study has found.
The Indian Council of Medical Research, a leading state-run center, said its initial findings from a two-year study showed 60 percent of men in the financial capital Mumbai had penises about 2.4 cm (one inch) shorter than those condoms catered for.
For a further 30 percent, the difference was at least 5 cm (two inches). A poor fit meant the prophylactics often didn't do the job they were bought for, and led to some tearing or slipping off during use.
"One of the reasons for a failure of up to 20 percent (of condoms) is the association of the size of the condom to the erect penis," the council's Dr. Chander Puri told Reuters, adding another reason was couples often put them on in a hurry.
The Times of India reported the ICMR survey had studied 1,400 men between 18-50 years of age in cities like Mumbai and New Delhi as well as in rural areas in a report. It entitled its story "Indian men don't measure up."
This is not related to the above article, thank God, but it reminded me to mention I went on a date Wednesday night. A proper date with a grown man. He was wearing his suit when I met him at the restaurant. He's a finance guy, which means 1. He has a job! 2. We didn't have to split the bill!!
He's super ridiculously tall, 6'5 and I am 5'9. I felt kinda short next to him but I am excited to out with him again and wear my big girl heels. He has huge hands too not that I am implying that means anything because I wouldn't know. It's not that easy to break my southern girl mentality and screw some guy on the first date.
Also I am really excited that the Gators will be playing Ohio State for the Nat'l title the 8th of Jan. I have a bet with capital guy (he went to OSU) but we haven't set the terms of our bet yet.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Play with me you all!
Soundtrack of your life game:
1. Open your library (iTunes is the only way that is what they say)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When the next song comes on, go to the next question.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool. (Obviously, you are lame with no friends)
7. Take this seriously, as you would your horoscope or a fortune cookie. It is nothing less than crucial insight into your future.
OK. I am totally stealing this from another blog I came upon today. Don't "hate" on my music, it could be worse, it could be Britney Spears, who if you haven't heard is all over the internet showing off her couchie. I'm not judging, I'm just saying the girl could use a pair of panties.
Mail Panties For Britney to: c/o ReignDeer Entertainment
c/o ReignDeer Entertainment
| Sorry for showing a pic w/ her bits blurred out but I don't think I can handle having Britney's vag on my blog. |
Anyhoo, back to the game
And here we go:
1. Opening Credits: Party Over by Mobb Deep
2. Waking Up: Wanna Get To Know You by G-Unit
3. First Day of School: Cemetry Gates by The Smiths
4. Falling in Love: It’s Not Unusual by Tom Jones
5. Fight Song: Between The Devil and The Deep Blue Sea by Thelonious Monk
6. Breaking Up: Ricky Don’t Lose That Number by Steely Dan
7. Prom: The First Taste by Fiona Apple --- hee hee
8. Life Is Good: Desolee by Les Nubians
9. Mental Breakdown: How Am I Driving by Radiohead
10. Driving: Maneater by Hall and Oats
11. Flashback: Joga by Bjork
12. Getting Back Together: Angel of the Morning by Juice Newton
13. Wedding: Memories Are Made of This by Johnny Cash
14. Birth of a Child: Personality Goes A Long Way: Dialogue from Pulp Fiction
15. Final Battle: There You Are-Jesus Song No.7 by Flaming Lips
16. Death Scene: Seven by Prince
17. Funeral Song: Frontin’ by Pharrell and Jay-Z
18. End Credits: Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana
And that's it! Wasn't that fun! That was fun!
Moving on, I live in a tiny apt. A teeny tiny apartment in NYC. I live in the LES (lower east side for all you non New Yorkers) in a tenement building in what is really, if I am being nice a 1 1/2 bedroom with a roommate and a cat, Bert. Bert's the cat. The ex- boyfriend likes to say I live in the hallway. It's sort of true, my roommate has to go through my "room" to get to the bathroom or kitchen. Lucky for me she never pee's or cooks. Really it's not so bad. I live in a really hip area dude, party on, yeah! No really, I love the area.
So yes, it's small, yet oh so cozy. True, no more that 4 people fit inside but that's how we keep it intimate. Here's the prob people. My like 3rd cousin twice removed or something to that effect, from Liberty, South Carolina, and his wife and their 17 year old son want to come and stay with me for 7 or so days after x-mas and during New Years. Mind you, these are lovely people, but for one thing there is 3 of them, where am I going to store all of them. Also I am going to have to be a tour guide. People, I am an actress, so you all know what that means, some variation of service industry personnel. I am your friendly, sometimes not so friendly bartender and I will be working a TON over the next few weeks. And if I am not working, I'll probably be drinking. Not a good time to visit, not a good time at all.
But see, I think I may have told them months ago they could stay. I don't think I was drunk just optimistic there would be room. Why? Who knows? The point is now they keep calling and tomorrow I'll have to call them back and tell them... what?
Did you ever notice there are quite alot of youngish stylish women in the city carrying around babies in the slings that hug their body. I caught myself thinking I wanted one of those, just like one may want a Balenciaga bag or a pair of boots . Totally need some new boots, going to go to the coolest thrift shop in Bushwick, that's Brooklyn, yo--- gotta say yo after Brooklyn (yo), don't know why, that's the rules, I am just following the rules.
Walking to work today I walked past Julia Stiles and before you go calling me a star fucker (hello Robert Downey Jr., hi. Hi, *wink) I want to express how I could generally give a shit but she looked sooooooooooo normal. Like me except she's blonde (I am a glorious almond coffee chracoal). It gives me hope. Ol' Julia Stiles gave me a nuget of hope b/c damn it I like food. I like icecream and pie and beans and rice and...and I was beginning to think if I wanted to make money at this profession, the theatre daaaling, I went to Juilard (*British accent* actually I am lying, I didn't go to Juliard, I just like saying that) sorry, went off on a tangent, if I want to make money as an actor, sometimes I think I need to develop an eating disorder.
The last thing I want to mention is that if anyone knows of an apt. on a top floor let me know. Global warming is going to make the ocean flood over the LES. Seriously it's hot out people and it's 1 Dec!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Just as soon as I began this blog I quit. But there has been alot of talk about blogs lately, so baby I am back in. Here is my half ass attempt to breathe life back in this old girl.
So, what should I blab about? Well, I just came from seeing the best band ever! The Naked Heroes rocked out at the Delancy tonight. For a mere $7 I was more entertained than I have been in a long while. One of the heroes even lost his shirt. In the words of my mother, what a bargain!
I am excited that I stayed up until 3am last night cleaning up my desk. Today I just sat at my desk and looked at the neatly organised files, the open spaces. Ahhhhhhhhhh, now I can get it done. I know in the past I have been way too boy crazy. Those days are gone, well almost, I do have a few ridiculous crushes... but LISTEN I have bigger fish to fry (another parental saying).
I wanted to post a photo of my thanksgiving retreat (maybe I'll write about that if I ever develop the pics) or my trip to New Orleans (Halloween, also, I'll wait until I develop the pics). My stupid digital camera is f**ed up. It would have been nice if I could have taken a pic of the super fab band, but no. So instead I am posting a picture of the tree in Rockefeller Center. I saw on yahoo news they lit it up. Thank God I was no where near when they did.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
I am boy crazy.
I just finished watching "Mysterious Skin" and I think I might love this boy. I'd really recommend this movie and not only because I have impure thoughts about Mr. Levitt over here, but the film is riveting, well acted and directed. 2 thumbs up.
I've been out all day. I am wiped out. I got very little sleep last night. I came home, checked email and who is online, capital guy. So, we chat and chat. I come to learn he and the new girlfriend are over, so I flirt some more with him and one thing leads to another and we get talking about intimate details, stuff like flexibility, what we're wearing, not very original but you see where this is going. We're on the verge of having IM sex, but for one thing, I am a terrible typist, secondly, my computer connection isn't great and besides I've never even had phone sex, well that's not true maybe once with a boyfriend who was living far away years ago, but IM sex, weird.
I'm not that desperate. Yet.
Friday, August 11, 2006
This isn't a picture of me, but if I keep on the sloth path, it could be. I was thinking of having some frozen margaritas and tacos but now I think I'll sub yogurt for tacos and go for a bike ride (which afterwards I'll reward myself with a few frozen ritas). This has been a beautiful day and I haven't done that much. I couldn't even tell you what I have been doing for the last 7 hours. I can't figure it out. I got my nails did. So what exactly have I been up to for 6 1/2 hours. Not work, not dance class; I skipped it, not the gym; skipped that too, not cleaning and orgainizing my apt. or desk area. I should've been looking up basic grammar because I can't remember when you use these colans : or these things semi-colans ; And how come spell check isn't working. I can't be expected to look things up in a dictionary. How archaic! And if you know me, which I bet you don't, I can't spell. Now you know me a little better.
In other news, I need a job. But hey, it's the weekend, so I rather talk about my love life or lack there of and worry about trivial things like paying rent.
Love life or shall we say lust life. Played text message flirty flirty with this one guy, lets call him that. I am new to text messaging because my phone was evil and debunked all my texts previously, but I got that sorted out and we happily texted last night instead of talking and enduring awkward silences, which is exactly what happened when he called me after a few texts. To be fair (to me, of course), I was, how to put this, relaxed from partaking in a recreational activity earlier in the evening, and I was about as witty as a baked snack. And no, I am not high now, I just glimpsed fat free baked snack pretzels on my desk and I thought they were funnier than me last night and then I ate one.
This one guy isn't my only lust interest. There's also guy #2 also known as completely inappropriate just broke up w/ his girlfriend and we are in a thing together so it's not a good idea poet guy. So, poet guy, it is for short. I'd like to see him. He keeps blowing me off and then going to fabulous parties in fabulous places being fabulous all the while sipping from a glass of champagne, surrounded by models , throwing his head back and uproariously laughing.
Guy #3 lives in our nations capital and I think got himself a girlfriend. All we do, all we ever done, is flirt over IM. Well actually we have had coffee once when he was in town. Isn't this pathetic, but I have a teeny crush.
I'm going to just have to start inventing men up or maybe flirt back with the guys on the street that so affectionately call me mami to bump up the odds.
I better take that bike ride. Happy Friday!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
This is a picture of my boyfriend and some other dudes. Guess which one is my man?
I just taught myself how to add pictures to my blog.
This is so great! Now whenever I am lazy, super lazy, beyond recognizable laziness I can just post a picture and be done with it.
Anyhoo, in other related news (and I came up with the idea of commenting on funny news stories) Ok Ok, I read that off someone else's blog. BUT they didn't get this scoop- check it.
FRANKFURT (Reuters) - Police in the German city of Aachen received an unusual call for help late on Wednesday when a woman telephoned to complain her husband was not fulfilling his sexual obligation.
After the couple had been sleeping in separate beds for several months without intimate contact, the 44-year-old woman woke the husband, 45, in the middle of the night and demanded he satisfy her needs, police spokesman Paul Kemen said on Thursday.
When her advances were refused, a row broke out and she called the police and asked them to intervene, he added.
- He should be beheaded. Ha ha, get it! be Head , never mind.
But seriously folks (like anyone's reading this, hopefully nobody I know, as I plan on talking about EVERYONE)...
Anyways like I was saying seriously, I need to call the cops too. And thats all I am saying. That and next time, this one guy ,we're not cuddling and other guy #2, you blew it tonight, it's finished, probably, yes finished.
And in more news about me my wallet, small bag, call it what you will, WAS recovered!!! I received a call this afternoon that it was found in front of a church. The $17 or so dollars was gone, but my passport, state ID, keys, chapstick, BDC dance card, duane reede card was all there. Even my bank card, which I canceled was in there.
A nice German woman found it! Danke Caroline!
This is my love horoscope for today:
Your unique take on events makes people laugh. A wicked sense of humor is extremely sexy -- and you'll find that someone very intriguing has noticed yours. You're hilarious without even trying.
Oh and P.S. the pics, they are a joke. Geez.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
I had all kinds of crap in there. My laundry receipt (because I have someone else wash my clothes, I know, but I am busy and it's too hot to bother washing my clothes, and this is not the time to discuss my laziness or my imperialist attitude ) so I have to talk to them at the laundrymat so they don't give away my freshly cleaned and squarely folded clothes. I had my Duane Reede card with like millions of points racked up on there and I was suppose to get $5 off the next time I went shopping. I had my gym card, which I just replaced and they charged me $10 already. I had my house keys but luckily I had a spare set at home and my roommate who was out late last night drinking was home asleep and after only 12 phone calls she picked up and let me in the house. I had my dance card which cost $150 and in non-replaceable but it sort-of is because they said they'd give me a bunch of passes. Thanks Pam at Broadway Dance Center! I also just bought new chap stick and nail polish from Ricky's. Hope the person who stole my wallet (which by the way I just bought a week or so ago and I really thought it was adorable and functionable) enjoys all the stuff inside. Can I help you with anything else? Have a wonderful day. Thanks!