Friday, December 08, 2006

I am not preggers, bitch!

I was at work last night, minding my own business, giving the barback grief (in their minds), blabbing to the waiters, making drinks, opening beer bottles, suggesting wine (btw, I am soooooo bullshitting when you ask me which wine is minerally, which wine is like butter- shut up and drink)
the norm... when out of nowhere this woman in her mid-late 30's (so she should know better) asks me if I am pregnant!!!

I was shocked! Fucking shocked!!! I answered her, no I am just fat (you dirty dinosaur slut bag). And she realizes that she is a whore and is back-peddling and is like, oh no I mean because you are drinking water. You are drinking water, right? What??? What has that got to do with the price of milk?

Now let me just say I am very VERY sensitive about my weight but I know I am not fat, I don't look the slightest bit preggers, God knows it would be immaculate conception, but I obsess about being skinny (except I eat chocolate so skinny might be a dream). I am curvy, I have a butt, boobs, I am not a waif.

Whatever. I've put a curse on her to come down with a raging case of gonorrhea.

In yahoo news today:

Speak up, sir...You need the extra small condoms?

Condoms designed to meet international size specifications are too big for many Indian men as their penises fall short of what manufacturers had anticipated, an Indian study has found.

The Indian Council of Medical Research, a leading state-run center, said its initial findings from a two-year study showed 60 percent of men in the financial capital Mumbai had penises about 2.4 cm (one inch) shorter than those condoms catered for.

For a further 30 percent, the difference was at least 5 cm (two inches). A poor fit meant the prophylactics often didn't do the job they were bought for, and led to some tearing or slipping off during use.

"One of the reasons for a failure of up to 20 percent (of condoms) is the association of the size of the condom to the erect penis," the council's Dr. Chander Puri told Reuters, adding another reason was couples often put them on in a hurry.

The Times of India reported the ICMR survey had studied 1,400 men between 18-50 years of age in cities like Mumbai and New Delhi as well as in rural areas in a report. It entitled its story "Indian men don't measure up."

This is not related to the above article, thank God, but it reminded me to mention I went on a date Wednesday night. A proper date with a grown man. He was wearing his suit when I met him at the restaurant. He's a finance guy, which means 1. He has a job! 2. We didn't have to split the bill!!
He's super ridiculously tall, 6'5 and I am 5'9. I felt kinda short next to him but I am excited to out with him again and wear my big girl heels. He has huge hands too not that I am implying that means anything because I wouldn't know. It's not that easy to break my southern girl mentality and screw some guy on the first date.

Also I am really excited that the Gators will be playing Ohio State for the Nat'l title the 8th of Jan. I have a bet with capital guy (he went to OSU) but we haven't set the terms of our bet yet.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

asian men are sized just right for asian women, as black men are sized just right for black women, and so on....then there are some women who need a baseball bat, some something the size of a finger....