Dear Jameson,

Why are you so cruel? I love and care for you and what do you do but make me feel bad and give me a headache. I'm not going to give up on you though because we have something special.
Love,
me

I'd really like a glass of water and a taco. It's raining and I don't want to go outside, should I get delivery even though I live a block away from the taco place? I'd still have to put on pants so whats the point?!
This would be a good time to have a boyfriend, I could get him to get tacos (crispy tacos; one fish, one bean please) for me. Oh sexy boyfriend...

So, I was home the other day in the late afternoon and I turned on the TV, I think to PBS and they have on this show that teaches grammar in the kinda dorky way grown-ups teach kids lessons but I was riveted. Seriously, my grammar, actually my punctuation is terrible. I learned so much in only one afternoon. I can't wait until the next episode. I hope it's a show about colons; because I have no idea when to use them.

Lazy blog post, but what do you expect...I haven't posted anything in over 6 months...

I'm backkkkkkk!!!
Who am I talking to? Is anyone actually reading this?
Whatevs. I like finding new and innovative ways to procrastinate. My new favorite way to waste time is by posting reviews like I am Pete Wells of the New York Times for Yelp!
Click on my profile and become absorbed in my world class retrospective on dining and other fine and not so much fine establishment around the globe (ok, so far that only includes views on a few places in NYC, Brooklyn, New Orleans and Gainesville, Florida). But check me out anyways.
That's it for today...gotta start slow. Gotta ease into it, make you want it...Also it's almost 4pm, I should get something done today. Don't forget to click, ummm....hello?

http://danigirl.yelp.com

It's Florida-Ohio St. after Gators pound UCLA ...I guess I have to watch it now

The Gators, my alma mater, is really good at sports. Nat'l Champs in basketball last year, Nat'l Champs in football this year and now we are back again playing OSU for the basketball Nat'l Championship. I guess I'll watch it. I am much more of a football fan than a basketball fan. I get bored with the running back and forth and back and forth. Maybe I'll make a wager on the game.
I am working so much these days I probably won't have the time to watch the game though. Life has been super hectic because besides working like 12 days a week, I've also had the arduous task of finding an apt. I have to move on Monday. I rather pass a giant basketball out of my ass than go through that again. I cannot go into the details right now besides it's probably only interesting to me. All I need to say is people suck sometimes. And I need sleep.
p.s. doesn't this guy have great hair!

Observations from a coffee shop on Avenue A

Snow! Snow! Snow!
I love it but I wish it could be like when I was a kid in Florida and my summer camp would have Christmas in July and bring in fake snow. It would be like 90 degrees and we'd be in our bathing suits just coming from swimming and we'd frolic around and make snow angels and pretend to ski.
I've left my cave and ventured out into this snowstorm (wow, the way people react to the 2 inches that have accumulated... aren't northerners accustomed to this stuff). My Internet is playing hard to get so I came out to Bagel Zone! Sounds like a theme park. Take a ride on the giant bagel at Bagel Zone!
Anyhoo, I came here to look at backstage.com online and submit my stuff, look at apt. postings b/c I will be homeless in 2 weeks unless I sort out my living situation, check email/ myspace etc and here are my observations in list form.
1. Mothers are annoying
People often complain about children being annoying. What is really truly annoying is parents screaming for Isabelle and Jacob and Emily to stop this, sit here... and the 20 questions they play w/ the kids... do you want juice? Juice? Juice? Milk? Vitamin Water? Gator-Aid? Hot Chocolate? Milk Chocolate? Tea with honey? Just plain water? No, you can't have soda Isabelle! Sit still Jacob. What are you doing Jacob! Give me that Jacob. Just give the child a drink already and shut the fuck up.
2. Big gaps in teeth are disturbing
This woman sitting opposite me is not homeless. She is actually attractive, Asian 20-30 something, trendy east village type,YET she has a huuugggeeeeee gap, NO, not a gap...she looks like someone knocked her in the mouth. Maybe she's a boxer. Like Tanya Harding...have you seen her lately---
3. What is up w/ slurping drinks?
I almost gave this 20-30 something year old girl a lesson on swallowing her drink instead of slurping it like a 5 year old. What part of slurping a drink not completely annoying?

I wish I was a cat except for having no thumbs and having to eat cat food

This is Bert. Bert has a pretty good life. Yesterday his day consisted of him getting a drink of water, eating a little bit of food and then climbing back on to the loft bed (his new trick, it's hilarious, he kinda just hangs on to the side and pole vaults his body onto the bed) and then sleep, lots of sleep.
Bert and I watched The Departed in the evening. Bert is convinced Martin Scorsese will win the Oscar on Sunday because it is his time after all. He liked the movie and all and we both agree the acting is superb but he pointed out a few inconsistencies in the film. Like why did Leo give an envelope to the psychiatrist to hold on to if it was going to be inconsequential?
Anyways, I am having trouble getting motivated to do anything. Probably the only reason I left the house today is because I have a meeting at work and I will be fired unless I attend.
I'm at a coffee shop, Cake Shop on Ludlow, w/ my laptop...Lappy. No, kidding my computer's name isn't Lappy. That would be stupid. Her name is Lola.
I'm being good, I am not having any cake even though the cupcakes look like to die for. But it smells like curry in here. Ehhhhh, not so appetizing.
I better run to my meeting. Also I just made a fart noise with my mouth and I am getting looks.

Vagina Monologues opens

I'm exhausted. Tonight we had an invited dress rehearsal for "The Vagina Monologues". There were problems to put it mildly. One of the actress showed up merely minutes before we were meant to go on.
I'm going to keep the shit-talking to a minimum. I guess that means I should sign-off for tonight.

I want to break up with blogger

That's all I got to say to blogger right now. I am spending way, way too much time trying to do what you would think is, simple things.

Yippee V Day. Whatever.

Valentines Day is a sham people.*

Do you really need corporations to tell you when to take your significant other out for a meal, when to buy your honey some flowers, when to give you sweetie-pie some candy, when to give your true love diamonds and when to fuck your lover?**
This isn't coming from a bitter cat lady place. Although I am single and I do have a cat. But you can ask my ex- boyfriends, I've always thought valentines day is contrived.

*Unless you are a kid and you make those cool mailboxes and give each other teen-age mutant ninja turtle and powderpuff girl cards and your mom and dad gives you chocolate and the boy you like in school gives you a flower.
** I am not a blogger fucker, but if I was,Dan from redacted blog would be my love object. Unfortunaely, if you read his blog you'll see someone named "Brooke" beat me to him. Here's his blog- http://redactedblog.blogspot.com/ and I am mentioning it because on his blog today he had a link to this site- http://www.acme.com/heartmaker/
It's tons o' fun!

This wasn't going to be what I wrote about but I am brain dead from 7 hours of coat-checking rich people's coats. Man that is a crappy job but I am po (you know poor but so poor I can't afford the o r, yup, brain dead) so I had to take it. Hell is 7 hours of listening to Micheal Bolton. Too many furs and smelly rubber boots. Speaking of rubber boots I wore boots that were not weather proof and I thought I got frostbite earlier.
I know I have been wishing for snow. I fell 3 times today. Not as much fun as I remembered. No snow angels, no snowmen, no snow fights. Nope. I got snow and wind beating against my face, almost broke my leg a few times, just about slipped in front of a car and my toes almost fell off. Not so fun. But tomorrow, I am wearing wool socks, my fake Uggs, I don't care how uggly they are, thermal undies and my hat with flaps.
I may look like a freak but damn it I will be warm (er).

I am hardly working (for money, that is) this week because I am performing in "The Vagina Monologues" beginning tomorrow night. Otherwise known as the VJ-J show. There are alot of slang words for vagina and in the first part of the show 3 of the VJ-J girls go down a list of them... some I have never heard.
There is VJ-J, Mookie, Pookie, Pouchie, Couchie Snortcher, Glady's Seagelman, Twat, Mushmellow, Pussycat, Peepe, Poopelu, Niche, Mimi, Labbe, Split Knish, and Cooter (my personal fav). Feel free to add to the list. Seriously though, have you ever heard of some of these... split knish for example, funny and kinda gross, but never heard of it. Maybe I'll ask them at Katz's on Houston St.
I want to go to Bikram yoga at the crack of dawn so I better hit the sack. Plus, Bert, the cat is waiting for me to spoon.

marriages and death

In yahoo news today: Two pigs wearing tailor-made wedding outfits "tied the knot" in a ceremony attracting hundreds of well-wishers at a small town in northeastern Taiwan.

And two PEOPLE who are the same sex cannot be married?

I haven't posted in awhile and actually I am procrastinating. I planned to spend this time working on my monologue for "The Vagina Monologues".
I do plan on posting more often.

Yesterday Anna Nicole Smith died from what looks like an overdose. Everyone and their grandmother have something to say about this so I'll keep my thoughts brief.
I was really struck by her mother's comments about how she warned Anna Nicole to be careful who she hung out with and that she did too many drugs.
This is the mother of a woman who, when barely a woman, was a topless dancer and married/ pregnant at a very young age, a mother of a woman who in her early 20's married a man in his 90's, a man she made "happy" when they met at a gentleman's club. A woman who changed her name to become someone else. I don't know what her relationship was with her mother but I have a feeling her mother is a big part of all the factors that occured and shaped Anna Nicole's life and her untimely death.